I’ve made a habit and daily chore of checking the apartment for spiders and others unwelcome every night and every morning. I have to kill my own spiders now. And apart from that one regular week a month the other one was gone to work, I haven’t needed to do that since I was seventeen and living in Africa. So that’s new. Maybe not the most interesting or significant new, but new, nonetheless.
I’ve never lived alone before. And even though I’m scared to death of feeling lonely, I’m excited. I’ve felt safe all my life. Financially, emotionally and physically. It feels good standing on my own little feet for once. Not that my feet’s been jelly before, but, you know.. I’ve had to get a second job and am now buying my own furniture, so a little less jelly, I must admit, they have become.
I’m learning the house and we’re getting to know each other. I’m learning the sounds from my hallway when the wind’s at the door. The fridge gives off little noises at times I haven’t been able to classify as other than randomly. The little flusher gets caught up sometimes and keeps flushing until you give it a nudge. The heat’s perfect set on thirty-seven degrees, even though it isn’t thirty-seven degrees in here. The windows in my bedroom are old and leaking air, but it gave me a little breeze on a stormy night like the one the other day, and I didn’t mind. The energy here is flawless as far as I’ve felt so far. I’ve been lucky ever since I came here. I’ve always, for some reason, bought items at certain times, in which I suddenly needed. There’s no stubborn locks.. A calming buzz, which I happen to love, from the air-drier in the hall. No moist. I have a small fridge, no freezer. But who am I having to plan big dinners for anyway? There’s a shop right around the corner and I don’t surprise myself in the kitchen very often when I eat alone. I’ve always just had a four-pack of salmon servings, frozen berries I’d never make smoothies from and bread in there, anyways, which I’d never use. I have bookshelves. A nice kitchen with tiny green tiles and wood countertops, with room for all of my (surprisingly many) kitchen supplies. Who knew I was that domestic.? I have a big bathroom with ideal lighting for applying makeup. Enough shelves for my Christmas-elves. A washing machine and a drier, which I’ve never had nor tried before! -now that’s a kind of excitement only a child could get on Christmas Eve y’all, and I’ve never felt more spoiled before in my life (the towels come out lukewarm !!). One of the kitchen lights is out and I could have more natural lighting, but that’s about it. And who’s counting anyways?
And it’s in the middle of Bergen.. My city. I cannot begin to tell you how good that feels. And how beautiful it is when it greets you on your doorstep. Every day.
Even though I quickly learned that you have to walk ten times as far living inside on the very inside of the city than when you take the bus home. In that sense Bergen seems bigger now. But then again, you don’t have to take the fucking bus home.
First night in the apartment.
First, slightly rougher morning, in the apartment.
🔮💫✨🌚🌝✨💫🔮
🙂
Hei! You know, reading your blog really improves my English. 🙂 Many new words for me (‘chore’, ‘lukewarm’, osv). Forresten, vil du gjerne skrive ett avsnitt på norsk i hvert innlegg? This may stimulate foreign people to learn Norwegian. 🙂
“..standing on my own little feet for once… I’ve had to get a second job…”
You know, if you are really financially independent, I really respect you! Such feminism I respect! I know many examples of russian women, who are gaining their “rights” while being dependent on their boyfriends, husbands, daddies, sugardaddies, etc. 🙂 Blowing their minds – “I am an independent woman, but you must give me money!”. :))) That’s not a true feminism. 🙂 (To my opinion). 🙂
“The windows in my bedroom are old and leaking air”
When I was going to change my old soviet windows (which were “breathing” too much in winters) to new modern plastic ones, my friend (who lives in a garage) told me: “Why do you need to change your “breathing” wooden windows to new “not-breathing” plastic ones? I’ll give you a sealant ribbon (which I use in cars), and you’ll be fine.” 🙂 So, I have glued the ribbon under the windows, and now they are less “breating”. 🙂 And the old windows remained. Conservatism has won. 🙂 The soviet glass was not accurately made, so it has a little distortion in some parts. 🙂
Btw, some more humor from my garage friend. (This is a satire blog, ikke sant?) 🙂
In some of your posts you complained on annoying phone merchants.
My friend gave us all a good example how to speak with them. 🙂 His speech was so epic, that I decided to make english subtitles. 🙂 Turn them on in YT and have fun! 🙂
Oh, that’s a bit spooky…I wrote this little whimsy for myself at about the same time you were writing the above (well, yesterday anyway)….(not that I would describe your new abode as ‘a wilderness’ but it is a place for all sorts of adventures including the luxury of contemplation).
We all need to journey to ‘The Wilderness’.
Sometimes we all feel we need to take a break from mainstream life and venture into ‘a wilderness.’
In ancient times, when the early prophets were feeling at a bit of a loss, many of them decided to take themselves into the wilderness where it seems some of them farted for forty days and nights (probably the wilderness was the best place for them then)!
One of them is even reputed to have taken to the ‘tablets’ and I am very surprised that this was not outlawed by one of the ‘commandments’ listed on one of the nine carved stone blocks he brought back to civilization with him.
The great wartime leader, Winston Churchill, when the pressures of strategy and government got too much for him, retreated to his country estate, Chartwell, where he immersed himself in building brick walls. If you feel tempted to try this, just remember to leave a doorway to extricate yourself if you are building an enclosure (a bit like people painting the floor should always start at the end of the room furthest from the door).
George Orwell, whose real name was something like Tony or Lionel Blair (not to be confused with George Elliot, who was really a woman) took himself off, not to ‘sweat-things-out’ on the isle of Ar(r)on but to the island of Jura from which he oddly returned in 1984; which was rather strange as he died in 1950…!
Robert The Bruce of Scotland, found himself in a quiet, dark, dank cave, where he developed rather a strange fascination with a spider.
He contemplated how the spider with great determination, tried, despite many hardships, to build a W WW and also how patiently it waited for a very very long time, in quiet contemplation, for an unfortunate fly to get caught in it’s sticky web.
The sad truth is that the spider would have read a book or watched television but could not afford to buy a set of glasses with eight lenses.
Enjoy your new abode but watch out for that distortion in the ‘space-time continuum’ in your door and door frame! Who knows where it will take you?
Peter <3
I moved in to an apartment in the middle of the city, what are you talking about? It’s not a retreat I’m hiding in by myself contemplating anything. As far as ‘who knows where it will take me’; it’s not a fun path that I chose to take in the spur of the moment. It’s a well thought through decision, followed by natural cause of actions.. Also, there are no spiders here.
Viktoria. anxious not to cause you or anybody else hurt or distress, since reading your comment yesterday, my mind has been like a giddy goat on a unicycle.
It struck me that ‘hiding’ in a retreat by yourself, by my experience, is probably not the only way of hiding away, for who notices an individual pebble on a wave-lapped, pebble-strewn shore?
I do not know if you have noticed with your social anxiety but I know that I am very much calmer at an event where there are very many people invited rather than just a select handful?
And I really don’t doubt that it was ‘a well thought through decision, followed by a natural course of action’.
(Don’t suppose you will check out Kate Bush’s song but it’s enigmatic nature has produced many interpretations from:- a secret place to meet a lover, a place where a grave lies hidden to a reference to mastication! (Blasted smell-chequer; changes the word every time)!
Have a good weak end! (And I hope we get a picture of the Elves when they have finished helping Santa)!
Peter <3
That’s great – your feelings about it. My first apartment (Montreal), after residence, was a roach motel, literally. When the ground wasn’t moving, we were choking on bug killer. The apartment was right above a cursed burial ground, or the building’s garbage room. My roommate and I moved out (after a cockroach ran over my face in bed), then had to take the landlord to court. I didn’t find a place I liked until the fourth try. It’s different as a student though. I’m not sure I had the right perspective on living alone in a big city. I didn’t appreciate the freedom or solitude, which is odd because I like my space. Then again, you seem more thoughtful and reflective than I was. Do you own or rent the apartment? Asking because there are some simple solutions for the drafty windows. Not sure if I want to ask about the spider thing.
Jeez, that sounds terrifying! No, there are no spiders here, I’m just terrified of them. I rent
I am not saying it is a place you are ‘hiding in’, but you can if you want to.
Upto you and that’s the beauty of it. It can be whatever you want it to be. I suppose that’s what life is all about…(may be).
Serendipity?
Don’t all of us have a ‘private’ us and a ‘public’ us and every shade in between?
Both living life and having time to appreciate the life that we are living?
Do you not enjoy getting something out of your writing or your creative endeavours in design or your cookery when you have peace, time and space to pull everything together?
Look at the wonderful achievements of the people I named in my little whimsy.
You have a place to have friends around, parties, whoever you want, when you want on your terms.
Shame I missed out Kate Bush with her beautifully haunting song ‘Under the Ivy’. (Probably a bit before your time)….a place where she really yearns to be.
(Can’t think of any humour in the situation though).
As an aside, George Orwell lived in a little village very near to where I live. I will have to take another look. (Without the happy peace of that village life, there would not have been ‘Animal Farm’ it seems).
https://www.hertfordshirelife.co.uk/people/in-orwell-s-footsteps-in-letchworth-and-wallington-1-1646802
As for the spiders…poor things, I don’t suppose there will be any if you keep killing them Viktoria! (Also like everything else, I bet glasses are even more expensive in Norway as well)!
(I find them fascinating. What do they think about, or don’t they; whilst they wait there all that time for something to happen. Do we humans only try and fill our lives with experiences etc. because we have the intelligence to desire justification; minds that ‘wonder’)?
That’s getting a bit heavy now…
Toodle pip,
Peter ; – )
Because today is a good day……
After reading your most recent entries…..for some reason this song seemed to fit everything you said………. that internal animal raging to come out……..
Grimes – My Name Is Dark
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZe7cbC2Jp8
[Intro, whispered]
I did it
[Verse 1]
So, we party when the sun goes low
Imminent annihilation sounds so dope
I’m not shy but I refuse to speak
Because I don’t trust you to understand me
[Pre-Chorus]
You know me as the girl who plays with fire
But this is the song I wrote you in the dark
[Chorus]
(I hear they’re calling my name)
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
(I hear they’re calling my name)
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
The boys are such a bore, the girls are such a bore
I never trust the government and pray to God for sure, yeah
I don’t need to sleep anymore
That’s what the drugs are for
[Verse 2]
Every city has a place like this
Underneath the bridges where the tainted kiss
Put on Bullet with Butterfly Wings
So that I can sing along while I break things
[Pre-Chorus]
You know me as the girl who plays with fire
But this is the song I wrote you in the dark
Ooh, you know me as the girl who plays with fire
But this is the song I wrote you in the dark
[Chorus]
(I hear they’re calling my name)
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
The boys are such a bore, the girls are such a bore
I never trust the government and pray to God for sure, yeah
I don’t need to sleep anymore
That’s what the drugs are for
[Bridge]
Paradise on my right, and h-h-hell on my left
The a-a-angel of death, right behind me
Paradise on my right, and h-h-hell on my left
The a-a-angel of death, right behind me
Paradise on my right, and h-h-hell on my left
And the angel of death, she said to God:
“Un-fuck the world, un-fuck the world
You stupid girl, you stupid girl”
[Interlude]
Oh, oh
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
I’m not gonna sleep anymore
[Chorus]
The boys are such a bore, the girls are such a bore
I never trust the government and pray to God for sure, yeah
I don’t need to sleep anymore
That’s what the drugs are for
That’s what the drugs are for
(Anymore, that’s what the drugs for)
[Outro]
The boys are such a bore, the girls are such a bore
I never trust the government and pray to God for sure, yeah
The boys are such a bore, the girls are such a bore
I never trust the government and pray to God for sure, yeah
0_o
<3
Is there ever a perfect time?
Viktoria,
Through Words you have come into my soul.
The greatest hope that any one of us can hope for is that OUR words have the deepest most meaningful impact upon those to whom and for whom we speak them; at least this is why I speak to you. I want God Almighty to come upon you in the fullness of His Glory and fill you up with His Love, descending His peace upon your Soul and your mind – and to remain upon you until the day you see Him face to face.
Loclann Aiken
<3
I'm so happy to hear, Loclann! But I doubt He will enter my life in any foreseeable future. But I sincerely thank you for your intention and kindness <3 <3
This is #Goals! but honestly leaving home whenever I get kicked out lol one thing that will most definitely terrify me will be the finance.Even if I had a successful career like you which I’m not even close I would still feel financially trapped is there something you recommend or how does the stress get every other month lol?
Well, I wouldn’t exactly say I have a successful career, I am however able to do something I like, so I guess it depends how you see it. And I worked hard for that!! Study, and a lot of kicking your own ass. But I barely make ends meet, as the rest of us 🙂
“But I doubt He will enter my life in any foreseeable future.”
We all live in doubts. Though He has shown me miracles, still I’m in doubt. Every day I need to apply an effort to believe again. But this is what makes us free humans. Everyone may believe or not. Everyone can make his/her choice. And no matter if a human is poor or rich, educated or simple, smart or not, healthy or sick, etc. This freedom cannot be taken from us by anyone. And an interesting thing is that He says that it’s easier for poor and simple/not-smart people to enter Heaven, rather than for rich and smart. By these words He heals us from pride. “Be like children, and you will enter Heaven”. “La de små barna komme til meg, og hindre dem ikke! For Guds rike tilhører slike som dem.”
… “Hvor vanskelig det er for dem som eier mye, å komme inn i Guds rike! Det er lettere for en kamel å gå gjennom et nåløye enn det er for en rik å komme inn i Guds rike.” “Hvem kan da bli frelst?” sa de som hørte på. Han svarte: “Det som er umulig for mennesker, er mulig for Gud.” (Lukas 18).
So everything is possible. For Him. And for us (with His help). So everyone is invited. That’s why we shouldn’t doubt, but believe. Though He is silent, He is close. Because all hairs on our heads are already counted. ☦
Wow, It has been very very quiet here at your blog. Is everything okay?
Are you very busy creating something new and exciting?
I know striving to move forward and find your path alone after not being alone can be at times……trying. Just letting you know that even someone like me, literally half a world away; who doesn’t even really know you except from your blog….. is thinking of you. I send good thoughts and energy to you Viktoria. Smile, because of you, the world is a better place…….one creation at a time.
<3
Just haven’t had anything to share, really.. :/
I have followed your blog for quite some time now, but now might be a fitting opportunity to reach out to you, since I find myself in a situation, in which I can relate to some of the things you are talking about.
Even though we may live very different lives with obviously different circumstances and experiences, I feel somehow connected to your words and your spirit and thus had the urge to tell you, that today your words have moved me in a way that gave me strength to follow my very own path. Thank you for sharing!
Even though I probably cannot give you feelings of strength in return, nevertheless, I wish you the best of creativity and love for your very own endeavors and your own path as well.
I have the impression that you are very true and honest to yourself. Cherish that precious person you are
and enjoy your time in this apparently beautiful city!
<3 <3 <3
Does jelly set at 60°? Congrats on the new job, a bit of repetition helps the furrow. The very sharp vulnerability is always admirable.
Thank you! 🙂
I have absolutely no idea…
hey viktoria,
hope you are doing well, and feeling arrived in your new home !
what a great opportunety with the oscars, hope you guys are not too overwhelmed to bring your ideas to the point… you will !
hope it will be a disruptive moment, as time demands ! 🙂
cheers mark
Gratulerer med dagen!!
Man, to be 30 again! Lol!
Hope you and all your loved ones are having a blast on your birthday!!
Oh, and beware of any Danes carrying bags of any spices! They’re weird that way down south, lol!
Regards,
Kirk
And what if it’s not?
History Zing.
I heard of a young lady who recently travelled from Bergen, Norway to London, intent upon assaying samples of cloth with a view to selling said cloths, skilfully worked up into desirable garments.
I wonder if, during her travels, it occurred to her that London had been the destination for the very same purpose for many generations before her of merchants from Bergen, during the time of the Hanseatic League when ‘Steel Yard’ in London was their destination. I suppose we shall never know.
There is something about visiting a place with the same purpose in mind as those who have ‘gone before’ that gives life a certain rare piquancy, a bit of a novel ‘zing’.
Be it crossing a stream at a shallow fording point for the purpose of reaching a destination on the other side or drinking at a certain point from a cool mountain stream (just beware of dead sheep up-stream which may make such a preoccupation dangerous to health (dead trolls or goats in Norway)), or walking into a forest for the purpose of seeking edible berries, fungus, firewood, building material or leaf mould (for horticultural purposes), then you are sharing the same place with the same purpose and thoughts as our ancient ancestors.
The now atypical experience of weaving news and love into a letter and posting it into a street side letterbox, something very frequently done within living memory, seems an anathema but gives us an insight into all the emotions of the ‘senders’ of the past. Will the letter reach it’s destination. Will it convey the feelings and thoughts as intended? What will be the tactile effect of the stiff crisp white envelope upon the intended recipient? Will it elicit a reply?………
Walking the same footpaths with armfuls of shopping bags as walked by my grandparents and parents from the 1920’s onward, makes me marvel at the continuity that so many people cannot ever experience.
Cycling along the same lanes on a journey of discovery strikes an historic resonance with, for example:- Thomas Hardy, George Orwell or Edward Elgar.
Thomas Hardy who travailed the lanes of his beloved Dorset before his heart was removed and taken to Westminster Abbey in London. George Orwell who pedalled around Wallington’s leafy North Hertfordshire lanes before his artistic passions took him further North, or Edward Elgar who enjoyed spinning his pedals in the Worcestershire lanes even when suffering badly from ‘The Variations;’ something later corrected when he had an Enigma.
Travelling on an old steam railway purely as a practical means of conveying a passenger and luggage to the welcome arms of Aunt Florence for a weeks visit rather than for the scenic experience or an enthusiast’s titillation at being drawn along by a novel, elderly technology again put us in ‘the place’ with a timeless purpose.
And what of three little boys standing on a Sussex beach at Bosham, being told of an ancient King who ruled Denmark, England and Norway and one thousand years ago, sat on his ornate gilded wooden throne upon the beach, resplendent with his glittering crown, crowds of bemused loyal courtiers, carefully stitched finery and thermal underwear.
His name was King C’Nut (well in Denmark and Norway it was, but even then we English were very good at anagrams and he would have found it very difficult to rule us if he had been regarded as a bit of a ‘Tunc,’ so to us he was known as King Canute).
His aim was to attempt to ‘Order the tides to recede’. Doesn’t that strike a resonance with our modern times and it’s fears of Global Warming and inundation by the sea?
(Sadly his attempts did not succeed though he knew they would not. He was wishing to make the point that he only had dominion over the affairs of men; and not the elements).
Peter <3
Holy Crap! Your design was at the Oscars and your sister made it a point to point that out! That is awesome! You can’t ask for better PR than that! Congratulations on the name drop from your sister!
Always awesome to have your siblings covering each others backs! Priceless.
Kirk
Thanks!!
Hi Viktoria, I am living your same experience, and I am HAPPY. You are very beautiful, a little witch, but you already know this. What I didn’t know is how deep you were, a star that shines on a starless night. Your light will take you far beyond your dreams. Basically we identify with our choices, the most difficult, the most courageous, the choices that the other fucking “hey, but what are you doing, question everything …. you can’t do it alone ……”and other similar bullshit, but they don’t know how nice it is to wake up in the morning free masters of your own existence, and go to bed in the evening, alone or with whoever you want, closing your eyes and not knowing in the least what the day has in store for you. it will come.
I am writing to you two months late, I know it well, but good ideas survive time …. as well as the nonsense of your detractors ….. Ah, I forgot, I am an Italian architect, and I find your creations very advanced rationalists.
I embrace you (but not too much, yeah!), Paolo
Hi Paolo 🙂
Hi Viktoria, sorry for my bad english. I am living your same experience, and I am HAPPY. You are beautiful, but you already know this. What I didn’t know is how deep you were, a star that shines on a starless night. Your light will take you far beyond your dreams. Basically we identify with our choices, the most difficult, the most courageous, the choices that the other fucking “hey, but what are you doing, question everything …. you can’t do it alone … . “and other similar bullshit, but they don’t know how nice it is to wake up in the morning free masters of your own existence, and go to bed in the evening, alone or with whoever you want, closing your eyes and not knowing in the least what the day has in store for you. it will come.
I am writing to you two months late, I know it well, but good ideas survive time …. as well as the nonsense of your detractors ….. Ah, I forgot, I am an Italian architect, and I find your creations very advanced rationalists.
Paolo
Sorry, I posted my comment twice.
hehe
Hi Viktoria, I discovered your blog by chance, following fashion, and I became passionate about your great intelligence and the depth of your soul. I speak to you as an older brother, and I want to tell you that the most difficult choices are always the right ones for us, because motivated by reasons that even those who love us may not understand. Do not give up. In your eyes I find all the strength that has supported me in these years. We live far away, but I feel you close to my heart (in a fraternal sense). You will see that soon all your “spiders” will vanish ……. Hello. Paolo, Italy.
for all the cats in the windows ! 😉
Sometimes it just so happens that a small brush stroke we make becomes smudged into a much bigger canvas. (A reference to our earlier comments).
So it looks as if spending time either alone or in family groups isolated from the rest of civilisation for a while might be the way of things for a little while into the future.
Although this seems worryingly unusual for us, we can take comfort that it is not the first time that the human race has had to adopt such a mode (English village of Eyam for one).
I remember my grandparents telling me of the experience of The Spanish Influenza pandemic and also learning of a local pretty English village church near to me that has a bit of graffiti carved inside it’s bell tower which marks the passage of The Bubonic Plague many hundreds of years ago. Both of these events were far more serious than the current viral attack in terms of fatality.
http://www.stmarysashwell.org.uk/church/graffiti/decode.htm
I personally think it is about time that the human race is reminded that life is not just the ‘commercial experience’ it has sadly become, in order to let a few privileged people ascend to better living standards at the cost of the many.
A lot of the problems we face would not have been faced if our ‘wealth’ was still picked from the trees, grubbed from the ground or fished from the rivers/seas and our time was spent doing what we personally feel compelled to do rather than what is dictated to us by others.
It has proved not to be the brightest of ideas to starve subservient sectors of the population of decent living standards or healthcare because firstly the wealthy are subject to suffering diseases passed up the heir achy from the lower sectors and secondly, if the lower sectors are removed from the equation, it then has to fall upon the upper hierarchy to clear the drains of their own nasty stuff. (And all sorts of other mundane and unpleasant daily chores that have to be endured).
I have admit (and I am quite happy to not be popular) that it is wonderful to see the skies returning to being the primary domain of the surprisingly aerobatic birds and the gay, ribbon trailed children’s kites. (I come from a childhood when planes were not travelled like buses but were the rare preserve of the moneyed classes). If Climate Change is an issue, this situation will have to be addressed before too long anyway.
It does seem very strange that all of our current problems stem from the desire of people in a far off land wanting to eat bats (and other people, for monetary reward, wishing to supply them)!
(Says he, looking down in bemusement at his plate of Fish Fingers and Custard)…….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo2RKAHu-kI
Perhaps we should familiarise ourselves with the prophets who warned us of what was to come…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqaQ_Bhgmrc
And if it doesn’t work out and all goes horribly wrong, we can console ourselves that provision has been made for our salvation…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAyTA98J3to
(I don’t go much on Africa now having fjords though)!
Peter <3