One thing that’s been kind of bugging me, makes me sad not to be understood about. Because I started blogging at a time I was really in between two stages in my life. Just graduated from Esmod, moved back home from Oslo. Exhausted, a bit torn as to what I was supposed to do next. Bored to be honest. So I started blogging! About thoughts, experiences -I felt a need to share my “journey” if you will. If I’m being very cliche. Ish. I had and was still going through so much and felt the need to talk about it. I love writing and thought that maybe, just maybe one day someone would take comfort from what I was writing.
I’ve also been going to a therapist for many years. The human mind is very complicated. Some more than others. I have a lot of insight regarding myself and my behavioral patterns compared to a lot of people, I’ve earned the right to say that, and I did not start blogging to seek help.
We can never understand anyone. That’s one of my most important drives to blog really, and joy, to shed some light on the fact that we do . not . know.
We must try to find strength not to judge a book by its cover. Which in todays society often is armed with steel to make us appear fearless, not needing other people. And if we do judge, because our instincts tell us to (it’s actually trying to keep us safe from danger), we must try to be open for changing our view on people. Try to look a little closer.
And when we know that, because that is a fact -I repeat; we do not know anyone’s history and why they react the way they do, we’ve already come a long way on the path towards understanding and truly respect one another. My husband and I, after eight years, are still perplexed, stunned, still uncovering secrets in both of ours history, our deepest depths and secrets. Most times, people don’t know themselves and why they do the things that they do!! And, as stated earlier, I’ve spent a LOT of time and energy learning to read, understand, accept and forgive myself. So the chance is most likely there, I’m way ahead of you. In terms of understanding me.
My last post for instance. Some of you make something entirely else of it than I do. And that’s fine! (remember, again, we have different point of views -we see and experience things from our own perspective) When I’m separating myself from the world, I feed my diseases and demons.
It is a very dark place.
Consumed with guilt. Punishment. At times restrained eating. Working out excessively. Feeding my social anxiety. Struggling sleeping. Sleeping excessively. Distancing and sometimes developing anger towards the people who love me. Embracing an old destructive friend who would rather see me dead than not needing him. A friend who creates distance between me and the rest of the world. A friend who do not want the best for me. Lures me in with a false promise to keep me safe. And I love him.
These things are the things that makes everyday life, having the challenges I experience in life, really really painful. Apart from the physical pain, the loneliness is breathtakingly painful. I can not stress this enough. It satisfies me, my ego – it is not good for me.
And the sad thing is, and I know many feel the same way, is that when we’re alone (be that at night before falling asleep or spending Sunday alone..) our demons know they have a better chance to get to us. It’s that easy. I’ve been working a lot. I have to be alone whilst working this much. Sometimes 17-18 h a day. Alone = demons. Get it?
So, please, never.. never utter the words “I understand exactly what you’re going through.” We never do. We come from different places. I would love to understand what you’re feeling, to know exactly what to say, and how to act. But I don’t. I can provide some comfort. Make you feel less alone and more aware. We can create bonds and be there for each other. Feel bad for each other. Happy for each other. Share love for each other 🙂
But we can never know exactly. I’ve spent so much time examining my own brain, and can only reach one conclusion. I have tremendous respect for it. It is amazingly intuitive. I love it. But it is very complicated.
With that said..
I.am.in.awe.of.your.wisdom. You are one amazing human being Viktoria. Thank you for sharing 🌟
Stella <3 Thank you for reading!!
Det er det som er så fint. At vi alle legger vår historie, tanker, erfaringer og hvem vi er inn i det vi leser. Så kan det tilpasses og gi oss noe nytt. Nye tanker, ideer, kunnskaper, eller en større forståelse. Ny innsikt.
Vi kan aldri være en annen, men vi synes vi føler som og vi kan føle med. Heldigvis. Derfor treffer noen tekster sterkere enn andre.
Du er en reflekter dame og jeg tror mange kan kjenne seg igjen det du skriver, du hjelper dem å sette ord på det de føler. De kan da tro de vet hvordan du har det fordi gjenkjennelsen er stor.
Absolutt. Er bare litt skummelt på sosiale medier hvordan noen kan føle seg annerledes eller svakere om noe de kjenner seg igjen i blir tatt lettere på hos andre de trodde gikk gjennom det samme. Folk bruker for eksempel depresjon for veldig forskjellige tilstander.. Jeg slet veldig med at jeg ikke klarte å fikse ting som andre rundt meg kom over eller vokste fra.. Men du har helt rett i at det er bare fint om noen kjenner seg igjen og det hjelper dem! Da spiller det jo ingen rolle. Bare være litt forsiktig med å sammenligne 🙂
Jeg tror det er en del av oss, særlig i dagens synlige sosiale samfunn, at vi sammenligner oss med andre. Både bevisst og ubevisst. Så må vi ikke glemme at vi som oftest måler vårt indre med de andres ytre. Da kommer vi som oftest dårlig ut.
Det som er så fint med din blogg er at du deler ditt indre liv med oss. Det er ikke alltid bildene og teksten harmonerer. Med dette mener jeg at du ser smashing ut, men tar oss med i dine bølgedaler.
Det er da gjenkjennelsen kommer, dette er ikke noe alle snakker om, men alle føler på i ulik grad.
Du skriver at vi aldri kan forstå hverandre helt, men en vil kunne forstå og gjenkjenne deler av hvordan andre har det. Det er det jeg tror noen gjør når de leser din blogg og derfor har mulighet til å finne trøst og støtte i det du skriver.
Og det sier jeg også i innlegget 🙂
❤
The problem with writing, and I think you have very lovely writing, is that it is polarizing. You can have such incredible deep, swirling, fizzing emotions, complex contradicting concepts and thoughts that spiral and circle in your head, But you cannot crystallize it. If you try to put those thoughts and feelings into words they become rigid, and even worse they can be misunderstood.
A lot of what you write makes sense to me and I’m sure others, but much like our favourite songs we have our own interpretations. Empathy is just recognising when somebody else behaves in a way that you have experience of yourself; like saying ‘ouch’ when an other gets hurt. You didn’t feel that pain but you have your own experience to draw on. That’s all we have for comparison, it’s shallow but that’s it.
I won’t tell you my story, this is your blog, your space. But when my head turned in on itself, I started writing poetry. I didn’t blog but I wrote on Facebook. There’s something about the ritual of writing, and releasing those words that just helps (doesn’t it?). I wanted friends and family to know what kind of mood I was in, I wanted them to understand why I might be sad, or grumpy, or angry that day. What I’m trying to say is those words existed for their own sake, I wasn’t fishing for sympathy (Is it the same for you?). But people did comment, and they said wonderful lovely things that genuinely brightened those days.
So when someone says something trite like “I understand exactly what you’re going through.” I hope you know that what they just want to say is that they feel you have an experience in common, they too have been to a bad place, and it’s awful and if they could, they would wish it away for you. Doesn’t stop it being annoying though…
It’s quite common here for people to greet each other with “You all right?” and I HATE it. All they’re really saying is ‘hello’, and ‘how are you?’ but on those days when I just wished I could be a stone, to be asked that meant I either had to lie, and say yes, I am ok. Or be honest and say no, I’m dying on the inside. Neither one of those I was comfortable with. Despite asking people not to ask that, it’s such a habit, such a throw-away line nobody could help themselves, and I do it too!
So yes, out of respect I won’t say those words to you, yes they are a lie, but a well meaning one.
Anyway, I’m glad your beautiful writing is something you enjoy, and need to do, and that it makes you healthier and happier. As a reader I hope to get better at understanding what you’re saying, and one day, I hope I can give just the right words in return, the ones you need to hear. Especially if you weren’t expecting them.
Much love.
A thing I would like to note, apart from the absolutely legitimate because of the identity-creating moment of the production of difference (I am not you), is the point that your expositions go beyond a psychological discourse. We must, without making an assessment of it, perhaps stand up, that our century-long culture of the romatic itself and others is an unhealthy narrative in itself, which has somatized a sense-thinking which furnishes us with a form of desire which is never to be filled. On the psychological side, the psychoanalyst lacan from the “object of small a”, a state of never-fulfilling desires, to which one might perhaps oppose Kant’s philosophy “the thing-in-itself”, the ultimate metaphysical truth which always must be denied us . So a fundamental problem of being at all! Our world has nevertheless displaced everything fundamentally important by the economicization of the self! So I can only speak of myself, but in the translation with “me and the society” I would be wrong to myself and the society, if I would interpret it and myself purely from the pschologisch moment ago. A philosopher who could hardly be more recent in this relationship is “michel foucault”. For we should not forget that the subject to which we attribute this or that property of ourselves, its psychological constitution, is itself an invention of modernity, for there was a time when man was not the object of his own investigation, and no self-attributions were added has armed with a claim to truth!
dear mark
I’m gonna be honest here, I didn’t understand a single sentence of that. Those were some big words!
Ok sorry, that was a bit hurried, and may cryptic. thinking german and writing english may not my first talent 😉 ….I want to say that some facets of our thinking are probably more problematic than we think. I think that we are no longer aware of the historicity and the “certainty” of certain self-relations of our being. One might call some of the modern man’s views as mythological. E.g. The general ideal of the romatic love as ideal which promises us a notion of “the truth” from and through the partner, but on the other hand it becomes a disappointment since the object of love (the partner) will never be able to fulfill the romatic Charged transcendental needs of this narrative, but we think its the most needed part of love at all…
…if you like take some time for this docu, its just one way to enter the thinking of foucault, its a bit old from today perspective , but i think you really should get to know him !
A bit cryptic.. 🙂 Made more sence after I watched parts of it! Also watched parts of a debate with Chomsky.. I’m finding it difficult to disagree totally with either one of them. I guess I see life in an easier or basic manner. And Chomsky made more sence to me to be honest. Then again, I’m not born a philosopher (although we all are to some degree, I know..!). Stone cold realist. We are, then we are not. Make the most of it, try to find joy. So I would be a very unpassionate / indifferent debater I’m afraid :/
No problem, but what are your arguments for the assertion that you are a stonecold realist ? … no just kidding 😀 ..what I would like to say is that the interesting at foucault is not the point of putting it into a dialectical game of the for or again, but to use it as a tool, such as a polarization filter, to make things visible which were previously simply not observable. Perhaps it could be said so, if chomsky says he is a freedom fighter, foucault shows him which constitutive moment makes this statement possible ;). the entry is perhaps not quite easy because the way of thinking is first unusual, but may you find things for you… 😉
Jeg prøver og skrive dette på engelsk jeg. It helps me alot to read about other peoples feelings and problems. It helps me remember that others suffers too. Some with a little of the same problems. your the first and only blog i read. Been reading it for some months now. You got totally different problems than me so i dont understand shit of your pain except what you tell me you feel in your blog, but i really enjoy reading it for some reason. It does sometimes help a bit, like this update. and some of my problems is i dont have alot of friends and does who i have, dont invite me too much and i have only shit papers from school whitch is bad in a job interview and i have a bit of a shit job like the rest of my family. Much more but enough of me. And Am sorry if i might lost the whole point of view in your blog update so after posting this i most likely regret it, but anyway thanks for shareing you feelings. And yeah my English is bad but at least i tryed 👍😜
Yeah now i regret posting it….
Don’t regret it! And your English is more than good enough! I’m sorry for you problems 🙁 But being honest with yourself and talking about it, I’m proud of you for that! That’s something 🙂
Thanks made me feel better 👍😜
🙂
I agree and this is exactly why I read your blogs your smarter than me I need insight
Not smarter! Just with experience 🙂