The BEST way to start the day. The other one asleep, tea with a generous spoon of honey chilling on my side, mat rolled out and candles lit. My butt in the air like I just don’t care.
Yoga morning. Sigh..
I say best way to start the day meaning the best way today. I’m obviously not one of those people emotionally or physically stable enough, nor interested, to have daily routines I measure my self-worth in throughout the rest of that day. I always listen to my mind and body to tell me what I need from today. My challenges has taught me that.
I’m appreciative of a lot of things I’ve learned from my challenges. And that’s Oh, so important. My therapist constantly has to remind me to stop, go back, look at what just happened and what did I do and what do I tell myself in hindsight. WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS? Crucial. That’s the only way to learn from yourself so that you can wake up one day and recognize that emotion and know what to do to enhance it or make it tolerable. Make it go away.
Sometimes for me that’s watching a movie. Switch off. Some days it’s going for a run. Some days it’s working. Slowly. I also have to remind myself to pace myself. This is it. This is your life. All of it. So might as well be present now and feel whatever it is you’re feeling and make your decisions based on that. It will make your day more tolerable and you don’t have to rush towards whatever it is at the end of it that takes the stress or pain away. For me that’s usually wine. Or rash decisions to make me feel less of what’s going on inside. But we’re always looking forward to something though! Time is such a devious little fucker. Try to make now good. Or OK, even.
I used to always put off my meals. Portion them carefully throughout the day. Save the meals for the big ones like a lunatic.
Breakfast, but only a couple of hours after getting up.
Lunch, but only when someone present.
Dinner, HUGE one! Starve before dinner, must let so much time go after lunch before dinner that you’re positively sure your stomach is completely empty before putting anything more in there.
Letting the clock decide when and what to eat. Like the clock knows. Never EVER would I listen to my growling stomach, can’t fucking trust your stomach; what has it ever done to you other than make you bloated or embarrass you in front of your class with fucked up noises before lunch? Showing everybody your shame, your greedy and hungry shame. I’m not hungry, my stomach’s upset. Fuck that stomach.
And that was when I thought I was healthy. In control. Must be in total control over body.
How else would it survive?
…
Whereas now, I try not to think what’s ahead. Try.( I don’t think I’ll ever be rid of this nasty little bitch on my shoulder some days telling me to do destructive shit and then hate myself for it) But now, if I’m going somewhere where there’s food involved -eating out later or just planning to have something that i love later; it doesn’t matter. I listen to my stomach. What does it want. What does it need to function for the task ahead. Then I eat that. If I’m going out for lunch an hour later, I’ll go for lunch an hour later. And eat whatever I feel like at lunch. If I can finish doesn’t really matter. Noe one is forcing you to finish that fish. Certainly not if you’re gonna starve yourself for 7 hours afterwards. To “earn” food again.
That was today’s thoughts. Now I’m going to have my second breakfast. It’s gonna be a good day today.
And it’s been fucking SNOWING!!
Can you tell by my sock I’ve been sewing?
That was a rhyme. This day just keeps getting better.
HAPPY SATURDAY! And trust that body of yours, it has amazing skills and secrets it wants to share.
Being emotionally unstable (+ social anxiety) is a daily routine to me. But I think it teaches us how to feel deeper, love more and a fucking hard road to self-acceptance and self-love. #foodforlife Cheers Viktoria, have a wonderful weekend.
Absolutely! Cheers Linda!!
I loved this blog update viktoria. It left me with many smiles. CAN YOU BELIEVE that MY BODY WOKE ITSELF UP because i had a feeling that “viktoria posted”. And i was roght 💁 its 6 :58 AM. im never up this early. So im just saying. My intuition is on point 😂.
Ive seen that its been snowing there! How awesome! Weve had a couple rainy mornings here so far (oregon) so im pretty sure webare going to have more snow this december 😊.
Thank you for writing this.
😘
Oh, I love that! <3 Have a great day Alyssa!
❤
Vent. Er, eller, blir det rart å kommentere på norsk nå som alt annet er på engelsk?
Rutiner er kanskje det verste jeg vet, selv om jeg vet at jeg trenger det. Jeg har slitt masse med matrutiner spesielt de siste årene. Før kunne jeg gå alt fra 3-5 dager uten et ordentlig måltid, og jeg spiste bare når jeg ikke var alene. Frem til jeg møtte kjæresten min var livet mitt et uorganisert og urutinert kaos, og angsten i meg er redd for at det plutselig en dag er over og at jeg sitter alene i det samme urutinerte kaoset etter 4 år sammen. Det er rart det å være menneske – det å føle og tenke og bekymre seg.
Nå er alt ganske skummelt igjen allikevel, for jeg skal plutselig flytte alene til Bergen i februar og jobbe med Made Management med en pendlende kjæreste som kommer fra tid til tid. Jeg blir på en måte tvunget til å tenke fremover og planlegge fremtiden min og alt er usikkert og skummelt. Jeg er livredd og dødsspent på samme tid. Det blir som å starte på nytt.
Men jeg liker hva du tenker. Og jeg kjenner meg igjen, som alltid. På den lyse siden er jeg blitt flinkere med mat. Litt for flink, til tider. Litt for glad i mat. Det sier vekten og stemmen i hodet mitt, i alle fall, som også er… skummelt. Som alt annet.
Men sokkene dine var forresten veldig søte! Det er første gang jeg har sett strikkede sokker som de der!
Åh, så trist å høre Robin. Unner ingen å ha noe kompliserte følelser rundt mat. Du må hvertfall ikke falle tilbake i de rutinene, de høres ut som de suger. Og du er mer verdt enn det. Men så var det det jævla balansen som er så vanskelig. Å gå fra de destruktive handlingsmønsterene er en ting, men så må man jo også komme i sunne mønstre. Det er skikkelig vanskelig. Du må hvertfall alltid huske på at det funker ikke i lengden med dumme rutiner. Regelmessighet er KEY for meg hvertfall. Tving deg selv til å spise ofte, kroppen trenger jo det. Jeg er sikker på du kommer til å komme i gode rutiner! Og, btw, kjempekjekt å høre at du flytter til Bergen!! Da må vi så absolutt treffes !!!
Regelmessighet er definitivt nøkkelen til balanse. Mengden er ikke like viktig så lenge regelmessigheten er der. Jeg håper på å bli flinkere med tiden. Kanskje det å endelig komme inn i “voksenverdenen” vil hjelpe. Bergen blir spennende! Og ja, haha! Det hadde vært veldig hyggelig!
Jeg har funnet ut ( skal ikke skryte på meg at det alltid er like lett) at hver gang jeg tenker på mat eller begynner å telle timer/hvor mye jeg har spist i dag o.l, så tar jeg meg noe mat. Slukker den uroligheten liksom. Føler det funker. Litt hvertfall. Av og til 🙂
Det er egentlig den smarteste måten å løse det på, da! I’ll definitely try that out!