I’m at that point.., we all end up here…, that point where I’m leaping for the stuff I once sat on my high and mighty horse and expressed loudly I wasn’t particularly fond of, or straight up didn’t like. At all!
I’m talking candy.
You know, when there’s a lot of it, (you just spent shitload of money and know you’re in for a treat) you’re still convinced you’ll never be able to see the bottom of that bowl. You’re naively navigating yourself through that ocean of different toxic chemicals someone once managed to sell off as a food group, pushing away that caramel, making nonsensical statements like “caramel isn’t really my thing -it’s too sweet” (too sweet my ass), you’re still searching, pushing, shoving, ” NOT eating that blue one, I try to avoid the blue stuff -it just seem too.. un-natural? blue food?”
You think you’re above everything, you have enough. Ma bowl will always stay full.
You can’t imagine you’ll EVER have to steep so low and eat the stuff you don’t find 100% satisfying.
Life is GREAT at this point.
And then the bowl starts to get bigger, it’s content smaller. You’re now leaping, dizzy from standing up too fast after all that sugar – blood sugar levels plummeting, you can only see silhouettes you’re so dizzy, the silhouette of the white bowl -shining like a beacon in front of you –guiding you -to get to those same caramels “Just gimme those baby blues!!!” you didn’t “like” earlier. Shamelessly shoving everything with sugar in it in your already numb (toxics, remember) mouth.
It’s a sad truth. But there it is.
My bowl is now empty.
And I have to go on working without candy.
I think I’ll have a small break. Watch an episode of Farmen. That’s a show about Norwegian randomly selected celebrities on a farm fighting for their lives and milking cows.
Yes. It is a good as it sounds.
For the second time today; sorry for this post.
And btw, I will never.. I mean EVER!, be one of those people (same people not used to having anxiety who always yell that they’re never drinking again after a big night out), who’ll say I’m never eating candy again. It makes you crazy, yes. And it’s bad for just about everything. My skin punishes me for days after, you’re bloating, you get stressed.. It’s bad! But I fucking love candy. It’s worth it.
Candy is great. Always have to have a balance between sour and sweet though. And i go for the most sour i can find. If my tongue bleeds from acid im satisfied. That didnt sound right. But chocolate is always nice too. Have a good night. I hope the candy doesnt punish you too much in the next morning. (it would for me!)
I’d describe it as a combination of perfect amount of satisfaction with a bit more guilt on top of it. Did you celebrate the International Nutella Day yesterday?
I actually hate chocolate spread.. I only have some favorite chocolates, definitely picky. And as I said, NO GUILT! I’m so sad when my point doesn’t get through. I’m saying how funny I think it is how we always lie to ourself about unhealthy stuff! Just enjoy it!! You’ll actually want it less if you allow yourself when you really want it. At least I do. No restriction! No excluding! No guilt!
Oh Viktoria, you’re slowly becoming my role model:) I definitely have a slightly negative mindset about treating myself with food. Cause not being treated very nicely in school and besides school cause of the way you look is kinda crap. But I still do it cause I know everyone should and not feel guilty about it.
<3 So hard in the world today, not to have a screwed up relationship with food.. It wasn't supposed to be so emotional! and definitely not negative. I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences at school. People are so ugly :( And food will always be tied up to have we feel unfortunately.. But at least you're aware of it. That's something.
I love your writing, I can’t imagine being so expressive or poetic in a second language.
Let’s be honest here, who doesn’t lose all self-control around a pile of sweet treats? Do not leave cake unattended around me, I will snaffle it (there’s a good word for you). 😉
haha I know! I’m not ashamed. Why go through the trouble and bake cake when you’re gonna have a tiny slice right? Snaffle??! I love it!
And thank you, I appreciate that 🙂
Godteri for life. <3 Easy as that. Jeg liker det som er litt sånn ekstra syre-blått og som SER kreftfremkallende ut. Living on the edge, altså!
kjenne-at-du-lever-snop <3