The difficult acceptance

I’ve been longing for this morning. This morning to myself. After a long time of waking up and starting the day straight away. Hotel breakfasts, waterfront runs, packing of backpacks and heading out to the beach or out to pretend I care about steps that are Spanish.

A moment alone.

I can’t stand birds. I hate the way they sound. Crows and seagulls.. Have you noticed that if you have one outside your window, you can’t focus on anything. Nothing. Sleep. Write, read or watch. Simply unbearable. Not to mention the seagulls just after having babies. Attacking everyone crossing their paths. Crossing roads, now..! They have the roads, now..!?!! Now every time I see a little leaf or object crossing the road I fucking run the opposite direction causing huge delays and repercussions in my usually Oh, so uncomplicated life.

…?

Anyway. In our neighborhood there are three. Seagull.. families or whatever. Can’t walk anywhere. Can’t run. Fucking hate birds. But on this particular morning it feels good not to run. Even though I kinda want to, because I normally feel better afterwards, getting some hatred out. Release some of dem good hormones. But sometimes you just have to be in it. To evolve, you know. I’m not going to run today. I’m gonna have this morning to myself while the other one’s asleep. Blame the seagulls for the inconvenience resulting in me not being able to run. It’s nice sometimes not to have to decide for yourself when you don’t know what you want. So here I sit. Condemning the feeling my gut is giving me after having breakfast and coffee. It tasted good. Feels horrible. Focusing on trusting my body to take care of this, this content and this feeling. Because I’m not running away from it in my thoughts or otherwise today. No cheer pep in my step rushing the other one to get the most out of the day.. I’m just sitting here feeling it.

Other one’s up now. I can hear him in the bathroom, peeing. I envy him. Wish I could pee that much. Make all the volume in my stomach go away. If I can’t run from it, it could at least do me the favor and leave me for once. Don’t seagulls throw up their food into their babies mouths?

I hate seagulls.

I get a moment of pleasure to hear him making himself fried eggs. He eats that every morning. Two fried eggs on toast. Lots of butter. We share that. Love of butter. But sometimes he waits, an hour, two -three..! And I envy him, hate him a little, because I’m never allowed to wait that long to have breakfast.

I’m happy today though. Tired but happy. Calm. Happy with the decision the seagulls made for me. To sit tight. I’m gonna prepare a fantastic dinner tonight. That’s for sure.

  10 comments for “The difficult acceptance

  1. 22/07/2017 at 16:12

    Indian butter seagull for dinner? šŸ˜›

    I never really imagined anyone disliking birds, a phobia sure but just being annoyed by them… well Seagulls are loud annoying bastards I’ll give you that. I’m not really a morning person but I like the dainty birdsong at twilight.

    I’m guessing you’re not a fan of Hitchcock. šŸ˜‰

  2. 22/07/2017 at 18:21

    I hate birds too. Too unpredictable to me, so freaks me out just a bit. Sitting is good. After a good vacation its nice to give ones self transition time.
    I love cooking, hope dinner was great!

    • Viktoria
      24/07/2017 at 14:03

      It was, great evening šŸ™‚

  3. t.a.g.
    22/07/2017 at 20:00

    sorry for that vik but whaaat ?! birds are the direct descendants of the dinosaurs, and thus natural super mega ultra super hyper cool! they can be small as bees or bigger then us, they fly around the earth in one turn, they dive, they swim, they imitate, they sing, they walk, they got rhythm, they talk, they dance… i mean; come on! if there is a species that really have culture then… BIRDS ! i mean 65million years šŸ˜‰

    • Viktoria
      24/07/2017 at 14:03

      Sure, but I’m still scared of them.

      • t.a.g.
        24/07/2017 at 19:20

        mhhh… i think if the humorous approach fails, and this is a real problem for you, then you have two options; the inner way of hiding them into the background noise of mother nature, or you might go the way of the warrior, cause the natural enemy of birds are birds…
        so you had to ask your local falconer to come around with his feathered friends, for a little flight show…
        or you go the electronic way… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZYYxCIuVfw šŸ˜‰

        • Viktoria
          26/07/2017 at 13:06

          nto looking for solutions. I just don’t like birds.

          • t.a.g.
            26/07/2017 at 18:12

            …sounds like a punkrock song, and you say you are not musical !

  4. Andy Wait
    23/07/2017 at 18:54

    Birds teach us something very important: To whatever height you rise, you will finally come down to the ground!

    Mehmet Murat ildan

  5. Joe
    24/07/2017 at 14:44

    Seagulls… Close your eyes and give in to their song of the coast, the sea and the waves.

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