What is it with people who feel like they’re entitled to comment on another person’s body?
No, really – I genuinely don’t get what that’s about.
Is it to express some sort of power? Because unless you’re a bodybuilder who’s worked really hard to shape your body a certain way, most of us just look the way that we look. We can change to some extent with time or different circumstances in our lives, intentionally or not. But by commenting on it, out of the blue, you’re kind of reducing the person to a thing to be judged based on something that’s got nothing to do with achievement or qualities as a person.. It can feel degrading. And what are you supposed to say? Thank you? For what? Acknowledging the fact I have a body?
It can also be interpreted that we’re here for other’s viewing pleasure (this goes for women mostly). You know; like history’s taught us. History and art has shown us countless of times that if a woman weren’t for pure pleasure or reproduction, you were pretty much useless and something to be hidden in the kitchen. You were either blessed with good looks, or one out of maybe three skills seen as good female traits.
And oh my god if it’s a negative comment on your body.., may it be sarcastic, suggestive or made with the intet of amusement.. It can leave you speechless.
Someone recently said something about my body. I smiled. Nodded. Acted as if I was grateful for the observation. I understood where the person was coming from, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. It’s a good thing, yes? You’re looking good and healthy, right? Gained a bit of weight? Which I really haven’t. I, like most, am a living thing that fluctuate between a couple of kilos. In hindsight I’m actually quite pissed off at myself for not saying something. Words about my body or weight can bother me for days, depending. Luckily it doesn’t affect my eating-habits anymore, but still; dooooonnnnn’t. Just don’t. Pisses me off. I’m not and you’re not for other’s to judge. We do enough of that ourselves, thank you very much.
All this being said, I compliment people all the time. Men and women. If I think they look good. Or if I can tell they’ve made an effort. I have a genuine interest in expressing one’s self through how we dress and carry ourself, so I have great appreciation when people do so. I admire it.
“You look nice.” “I love your outfit.” “Nice hair.” Whatever;
honey, you’re doing great.
This: totally acceptable. Encouraged.
And frankly, to finish this off nice and strong; I don’t think people should praise weight-loss as much as they do either. It seems people are always associating loosing weight with success. As if all weight-loss is a reflection on people’s well-being and happiness. New and improved. Why is the standard position on the topic that everyone wants to loose weight? It seems everybody wishes they did, that they somehow know they’d feel better about themselves a couple of pounds lighter. It makes me sick to my full stomach to think about this being totally acceptable to bring up in everyday conversation.
But hey, by all means: compliment me, please. I know I look fabulous, when I’ve made an effort at least. My body however, I can’t put on or take off in the morning. Not for you to decide how well I did.
Thank you for your words. It’s the inner beauty that counts – and i feel you got a lot of it.
Nevertheless something about your outer appearance: You’ve got one of the most adorable genuine smiles. Makes me smile every time i see it. 🙂
Well, sadly I do not think I can disagree with any of the above Viktoria.
Having had Shingles two months ago (everybody else was succumbing to the Covid Virus but I was lucky enough the have my very own virus) and being told that my pain-racked and virus-tired self looked ‘terrible’…”oh you do look ill,” even by those who loved and were concerned; did cast a bit of a railway sleeper in my path.
As for my appearance…well, we live in totally different dimensions* as I spend most of my free time laying under vehicles in old clothes, streaked in grease and filth or clouded in garden soil, covered in twigs and leaves and clinging weed seeds.
Having garments that do not dangle/get caught in machinery and yet are warm and dry are my most pressing requirements (after all I do not want to have the same sad end as Isadora Duncan (her artistic modus operandi reminds me of somebody (don’t think she sung though)…now I wonder who…it will come to me…), KILLED BY HER OWN CLOTHING. Imagine that!
Living before the writing of ‘Unsafe At Any Length’ by Raif Nadir and the subsequent invention by Volvo in Sweden of their patented ‘Safety Seam’ which was designed to fail if the garment was trapped in a lift door/rotating door or was trodden on by adoring fans in their size 13 Doc.Martins’).
In Nature (ever wondered why Scandanavians’ say ‘The Nature’ and the English just say ‘Nature’? I have) there are, as we all know, purposes to all things. Men and women are supposed to be blessed with all sorts of qualities to promote breeding. Also why are flowers pretty? Not for our benefit!
I hear that sex is pleasurable; well, imagine if it were no more pleasurable than handing someone a USB data stick……what would that do to perambulator sales?
Glad you are not ‘Lost at See’ (thank you Digby).
Peter <3
* Well in a ‘Mechanistic Universe’, somebody has to be prepared to do an oil and filter change! (Can’t have a squeaking, rotating Earth now can we)!
…”Why is the standard position on the topic that everyone wants to loose weight?”…
hey vik, have a look here…
http://bodypolitics.de/de/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Heft_5_01_Mackert_Martschukat_Intro_End-1.pdf
sorry for the often (annoying) advising habbits of myself (teacher child), but may you have already found an answer to the “what should i do” question…unconsciously.
so in a “weltgeist” manner, (you know 250 years hegel 2 days ago;))…
you got my mail, i’m always into reflecting and research…it would be my honest pleasure to help you in discourse/searching if you can stand my bad english 😉
…. and it’s good to hear that you really grow with that self-imaging conflicts… may you remember my a bit too harsh approach of that questionable “selfie-culture” years ago but it comes may clearer today why the self/imaging is always also a political act..
greetings mark
I think unfortunately society and especially pop culture is largely responsible for this kind of mindset. I feel like weight is seen by a lot of people either intentionally or unintentionally as something easily adaptable. A person’s figure does not accurately translate to what “effort” they put in to looking a certain way. The known concept of acting kind to strangers because you don’t know what they are dealing with definitely applies here. Just don’t comment on someone’s weight. I know at least for me that everyday I have to check almost every thought I have and say about someone else’s body. I think it’s a collective everyday process of rewiring our brains and not qualifing people based on their weight. I’ve also been on the other side, as you mentioned where you catch yourself going along with an unwelcomed comment about your own body and I always regret it. I hate the fact that as women we sometimes betray ourselves and our values by pure habit and conditioning.
I know right?! Hate it.
xx
Agree 100% with you on that one… Goes without saying that that also applies to general comments about one’s life, specially when they come from strangers. I have to say that many times I have seen some of these kinds of comments in your instagram, and always kinda wonder how you deal with it. I mean, I have seen you responding to them (very well!) and interiorly (is this even a word?) applauding you 🙂 I mean, I wish I was able to do it sometimes (I have a problem letting too often people trample me).
It’s natural to have different responses to it depending on the day/hour, but it’s nice to read your thoughts on it 😉
Wishing you luck dealing with that, specially with the volume you get of those.
Ps- You always look stunning in IG btw 😉 I love your fashion sense (for what it’s worth from me who has none 😛 )
😀 Thank you Margarida!!
Vik if I can call you that probably not maybe after 6six years … Viktoria I thank you for opening my eyes truly I hope you are well and at least from me maybe from all warriors maybe from all true men your are truly appreciated and a good gal etc… etc I advise read this maybe with a drink in hand 😉
I also struggle a lot with the whole weight loss way of thinking since I have trouble gaining and maintaining weight. On every training program the focus is loosing weight, but my only desire with training is actually maintaining weight and feeling healthy. What also bothers me is the occasional picture of a curvy woman saying that “A woman without curves is like jeans without pockets, you don’t know where to put your hands” or “Girls are skinny, a woman have curves” or “Real women have curves”. Like what the actual fuck. Do they think they are being body positive? My body is not for someone to put their hands on, it’s MINE motherfuckers. It’s not for your viewing pleasure. Also, because being petite, I also have small boobs. And when I gave birth to my daughter, some people actually questioned whether my boobs were capable of feeding her sufficiently.. “Får det plats nån mjölk i dom där små brösten?”. I just wanted to spray them in their eyes with milk, cause I had plenty. Things are not right around here. It needs to change. I’m taking my body back from societies claws.
:'(
<3