I think I speak for everyone finding themselves in a similar stage in life when I say that we hate people schooling us on the choice, the gift and challenge that it is to become a parent. Advisors. They’re everywhere. There are different kinds of advisors out there, and they don’t have to be necessarily warning you about babies. Marriage. Work. Travel. Relocating. Any kind of new direction you choose for yourself, new path, opportunity taken. As long as it’s important and possibly life-altering: there they are. Loyal protectors and guardians of The Way Things Are.
There’s the classic, most common perhaps and definitely most dangerous: The scaremongers. These creatures act like normal people when not jumping on any opportunity to elevate themselves above others. They love having more experience and knowledge on whatever subject you’re dealing with in your conversation and tend to transfer their own life experiences onto other people. Now, this isn’t neccesarily bad in itself. If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s only from a negative origin. “Oooh, have you really thought about this? It will CHANGE your life you know. Parenthood (I’ll be using this as an example) is H.A.R.D. You can say goodbye to taking care of your relationship, date nights and nice clothes -heck, you won’t even have time to shower and your body will most definitely never be the same..! Not to mention the fact that it is PAINful. I mean, pain like you’ve never felt before. Did I tell you about how I almost bled out and died and couldn’t sit for like three weeks with my firstborn?”
Uhmmm… yea Brenda, I fucking thought about it. That’s why I’m going into this whole conversation with a big grin on my face –after careful consideration I have, we have, reached the conclusion to do it. I’m not asking for your whole horrible traumatizing experience! I am in the phase of excitement and confidence that a child will be a wonderful addition to our lives. Like all parents do to begin with. Pretty sure it’s programmed in many if not most of us to be drawn to the idea of procreating. If not, humanity wouldn’t have been around for 400 000 years. Plus, I’m not stupid. Obviously I know life will change. In fact; that’s the whole point of me sharing this with you. If I wasn’t to share this with you as a conversation starter it would just be a random natural event. But we’ve thought about it and reached a decision. Obviously we are ready for the fucking change.
Another delightful category is the overly excited person: The Thunderstealer. Which in many cases can be a great category of people to know. But, timed wrongly (as people tend to be since they spend painfully little time I’ve learned reflecting over other people’s lives) this can go terribly wrong and. Worst case change your mind. “Oh. my. God. Are you kidding me? ARE you kidding me??! This is gonna be so AWESOME! In fact, Oh my God I just had the breast idea you’re gonna love this, Oh my God I said breast instead of best I’m like already halfway there already! why don’t I and Dave, I mean, let’s be honest screw Dave he doesn’t care about anything but his sports anymore; I don’t need to ask him I’ll just get off the pill, DO THE SAME???!! It’s gonna be so great!!! We’ll do playdates, drink wine together -did you know you can drink like how much wine as you want to while breastfeeding?? It’s proven, it really is! It doesn’t affect the breastmilk at all..!! Anyways the formula nowadays are so good, we can just start doing that, more time for girl-time yes? I mean, mom-time am I right???”
These people never listen and completely take over your joyful decision of changing your life course. They’re so dependent on you they’ll relocate or divorce the minute you do. They insert themselves in that special moment you’re having for yourself and taking it into whatever direction they want it to go. Not cool. More positive than previously mentioned type, but potentially very damaging for the kind yes-people out there who won’t stand up for what’s theirs. Their choice. Their moment.
Last one I’ve encountered’s the plain old negative shitheads. They shut down any idea before even asking you why you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing. “You’re never gonna make it. It’ll never happen for you. The way you’ve lived your life? No chance in hell you’re ready for this. Your relationship’s not ready for this, did you know that the divorce rate double after having children?? It’s true. (it’s not, they’ll just make up random shit to keep you where they want to: put. They need your friendship to stay the exact same because they themselves are too scared, too codependent or just unable to make the life choices they really want to. They’ll make up a study to shut you down). Don’t do this, that’s not you.. You belong here. Here with me.”
Self explanatory, this one. Negative people who’ll never have your back. Get rid of these asap if possible.
People can change, though. If you have the energy and motivation to school them back. It’s a damper on your news, but the person’s bound to learn something from your schooling. And while it may not better your relationship with each other, it can sink in with them later in life after they’ve potentially lost you. And this world needs less assholes, that’s for sure. So you might be doing someone else a solid.
Just, trust people’s judgement regarding themselves. Just let people have their own experiences. Please. You can say I told you so if it all goes to shit.
Plus come on.. babies? If cavemen could do it, I can Brenda. And you bet your sore ass I’ll spread positive thoughts around it after I’m done. You wait.
Fød og ikke lytt på noen. 🙂 (Hope you don’t find this comment too schooling and condescending). 🙂
I don’t want you to feel scared of commenting Vladimir. I think as long as we stay clear from a couple of subjects, as we’re worlds apart and no one likes a fight in writing, we’ll be good 🙂
Thanks!
Det var et verdig svar. Jeg liker det. Takk. 🙂 “verdig” – et nytt ord for min ordbok. 🙂 (eller “til min ordbok”?) 🙂
🙂
‘i’ min ordbok. Eller ’til’
No adventure is worth taking unless it involves a good dose of risk and excitement. First, babies don’t come with instruction manuals. Trust me, I looked. I was very disappointed, no, just kidding!
I can’t honestly think of anything more exciting and at the same time scary than having children……that is until you have children. Then, all of a sudden, everything comes into focus. For me, as a father, it was seeing someone I brought into this world with my wife, and meeting her for the first time. It literally took my breath away. I don’t mean figuratively, but quite literally. You can’t believe it at first and then your overwhelmed with every emotion all at once. This is your child. Your a parent now. Wow! This is different!
Then….everything from that point on was “okay, pay attention, stay calm and somehow don’t screw up…..even though you know your going to along the way anyways….you know…because your human after all.” Well……after all this time , and a second beautiful daughter as well, I’ve learned something. At the end of the day its you. You are the foundation of everything your children will take with them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says…..you and your husband are the genesis of everything to come in your children’s lives and you both alone will have the ultimate and most intimate understanding of your child’s unique personality. No one else will know your children better than you. Ever. And that is something to definitely realize how precious a gift that is.
My only advise? And I do this with sincere humbleness……always tell your children the truth as much as you possibly can. They will grow to be strong and confident in their critical thinking of the world they will inevitably adventure into. For me, the strongest tool in their chest of life skills will be the discernment of truth in a world so easily subdued by gentle lies.
What else than truth is there?
Exactly! ^_^
Not much to say Viktoria (that will make a nice change for you).
We older people, we single celled creatures never had to make such decisions or listen to such polarised effusions.
117 years of seconds and each second a year. I have added nearly a minute to those years and you have added about half that so far.
For more than half that time. reproduction was just a matter of an individual cell dividing.
When walking through my local park, watching the adults with their children playing on the swings, oh sorry, oops, ‘we’ often think how funny it would be if that were still the case.
Sorry, I think we had all better get outside pretty quick!
Bye.
Peters <3 <3